Almost three years ago, our lives were altered forever.
But really, if I think about it in a proper perspective, it was altered 21 years ago when I said:
"I do...
in sickness..
for poorer..
til death do us part."
Yep. That was really when it all changed. I have let myself look at this wrong for a while, hence my silence on this blog.
Some well meaning people have said strange things to me over the course of the last three years:
I could never do it.
How do you do it?
You are so strong.
You are amazing!
You must be wonder woman!
And the list goes on. It seems that the majority of people doubt that when I said "I do" to all of those things in front of my friends, family and God, I really meant it. Now, don't get me wrong. I am no saint. I have made mistakes too numerous to count. I have cried, fought, argued, been selfish, hurt those around me, and even hurt him, the man I promised to love forever, in the name of pride, self preservation and trying to find a proper path in this new normal of life.
I am also not condemning those who have been in a spot where they didn't choose to stay. Marriage is hard work under the best of circumstances. So please hear my heart when I talk about how we have stayed the course.
With today being Valentine's Day, and also the beginning of a whole new season in our life and marriage, I was reminded of several truths about the man that I married and the life that we now live.
- I love him. I really do. I may not always like him - but he would say the same thing about me.
- We are a perfect match. I am the high to his low. He is the right to my left. And we fit together in many ways that cannot be described - only lived.
- He is not the man that I married. But I am not the woman he married either, so that puts us on an even playing field.
You see, marriage is not about the "feeling" of love. The hearts, flowers, stuffed animals and romance of what the world wants us to believe and hope for. Even my 13 year old son told me that parents today let their middle school children date so that they can practice how to behave with the opposite sex before they reach high school. THAT IS SAD!
Marriage is meant to be the ultimate commitment. A grit determination to stay together through thick and thin, good and bad, health AND sickness. In short, marriage is hard work. Life after brainstem stroke is near impossible sometimes. No one told me it would be easy, but honestly, I never thought it would be this hard either.
BUT GOD, my two most favorite words in the Bible, are what hold us and this marriage of 21 years 2 months and 14 days together.
BUT GOD, saved him from the usually life-stealing outcome of a brainstem stroke.
BUT GOD, gave him a job that would walk beside him until the last possible moment.
BUT GOD, provided doctors and therapists to help him learn to cope with the new normal.
BUT GOD, continues to surprise us with the gifts of life, love, and our family to enjoy the precious moments of this life.
BUT GOD, delivered a new job for me at just the right time to provide for us when we needed it.
BUT GOD, showered us with new friends in our life who would come alongside our old friends to stand with us no matter what.
BUT GOD, became the Valentine I needed when I falter and stumble because of the way things have changed.
None of this would be possible without Him. The ultimate Valentine. His love for me, my husband, my children and this world are what holds us when we are up and when we are down. He is the lover of my soul and the master I choose to serve because without Him, this life would be unbelievably difficult and often unbearable.
His gifts of peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control are what make it possible for me to live in this new normal. And He gives me grace when I don't think I can do it anymore. And then He picks me up and puts me back on the path to continue to find a way to keep going. That makes me thankful and tonight, I will resolve to not miss the old life. I will embrace the new one that lies ahead.
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