Where do you hang your hat?

Since I am in between seasons in EVERY area of my life at the moment - this phrase hit me hard - right between the eyes. Where do you hang your hat Sherry?  

So often we think in terms of where you live - your house, apartment, the place you go at the end of the day and call "home".

But in this world, so often we spend more time where we work than where we live - well that was until 2020 came crashing into our lives and work and home intertwined in a way like never before - and what we used to call "working from home", quite literally became "living at work".  

I am living through an in between like no other.  I have had many in betweens in this crazy messed up life and they are all rather uncomfortable because lets face it - we all want to control the uncontrollable. But when things happen to us and we feel like we are losing control, sometimes the very best thing to do is to remember that you are not falling apart, but that God is doing a new thing and you just need to surrender.

I need a new place to hang my hat in almost every area of my life, so instead of trying to control it all and bend this world to my will, I want to change my perspective and live a life that shows that I understand that where I hang my hat is the dwelling place that scripture speaks of - the refuge, shelter and sense of belonging and home that can only be found in my heavenly Father.  

"Dwelling" or "Dwelling Place"...the writers of Psalms use it several times to describe the God of the universe.  They remind us that God is our dwelling place, our refuge, the true origination of the "feeling at home".  

How can one so magnificent, so vast and expansive, so holy and so pure be a safe place, a dwelling place, a refuge - a place to hang my dirty, sinful, stained, wrinkled and wretched hat?  

Because He loves me.  He loves me like no other.  He bought this dirty, sinful, stained, wrinkled and wretched hat.  He has a plan for me.  He knows my every need and desire of my heart.  He knows what I was designed to do.  He knows my pain.  He knows my fears.  He knows my insecurity. He knows my joys.  He knows my struggles.  He knows my shortcomings.  He knows my strengths.  He knows it all - and yet - He chose me.  He loves me.  

I needed a reminder that my identity is in WHOSE I am not WHAT I am or what I can DO - or even where I hang my hat - as long as I chose to hang it where He is - my dwelling place.  

Maybe you needed to hear those words today too.  Everything I just said for me is true for you too.  No matter your circumstances, your choices, your successes and your failures, He knows it all and still loves you too.  He wants to be the place where you hang your hat every day.  He wants to show you all that He has for you.  

Will you let Him show you your real worth, His real plan for you and the beauty in surrendering to the God of the universe as your hat rack?

Perseverance that leads to Progress

For those who don't really know me, I love my job.  I am in marketing, which means two things:

1. I make things look pretty and 
2. I make them sound good.  

That's it in a nutshell.  And God is so good that He gave me a job that fits my personality so perfectly.  He gifted me with a natural tendency to do both of those things in everything that I did in school, my jobs and my whole life.

But did you know that any gift that is unredeemed by God can turn to something negative in a heartbeat?  So when it comes to faith, those of us bent toward creativity and making things look pretty, can easily turn into a performance-based person where completing the checklists and having the outward appearance of being "good" become more important than building a relationship with the lover of our soul.  We become human do-ings rather than human beings.  We focus on the outward things just like the pharisees and we forget that the whole purpose of doing anything in our faith should be the sole result of getting to know the God who created us and wants to spend time with us.  

From a marketing perspective there have been four P's that orchestrate the activities in my everyday life - product, place, promotion and pricing.  They set the stage for every activity in my daily life.  So as I contemplated this whole idea of my unredeemed idea of perfomance and perfection, God began to change the P's to phrases that would help alter my expectations and redeem my identity into what He desires for me. 

Perseverance NOT Performance.  Progress NOT perfection. 

The place this usually shows up so brightly in my life is in a yearly Bible reading plan.  I start the year off with gusto.  I get caught up in making sure that I have all the passages checked (for the first month or so) that I would be reading just to get them read, and not reading to actually learn anything about God or hearing anything He really wanted to speak.  Then somewhere along the way, I would miss a day or two and then I would feel like a failure and would no longer want to continue with the full plan, so I would give up.  There would be grace for anyone else doing the same thing and I would tell them to just start the next day, but in my own life, I would condemn myself and just quit.  I would find other reading plans, or just pick something to read that day and the perfectionism would turn into condemnation and self loathing.  I should know better, I should just start fresh, I should I should I should. 

But I wouldn't. 

And the worst part of any of this is that NO ONE was checking my progress.  No one was going to see that I missed a day, or that I didn't read all 4 chapters that day.  It was only the small voice in my head that was pushing and driving me further from the truth rather than me listening to what God has to say and running towards Him.  How foolish!

So now as I entered into 2015, I started a new plan and a new discipleship program too.  And I could easily get caught up in that trap, but I am learning that as I do things for my job, my family and the Kingdom, I need to view them through those 2 statements. 

Perseverance NOT Performance, and Progress NOT perfection.  

I am asking God for wisdom to help me change my perspective so that I don't try to just do the right things, but that I do everything with the frame of mind of learning more about the Lord, finding out what He wants me to do and meditating on His word rather than spending my time ensuring that the i's are dotted, the t's are crossed and the boxes next to the checklist are filled in so that in case anyone checks, I can say, I am good. 

Since I cannot earn my way into Heaven, how silly is it that I think I could possibly be good enough to make Him happy.  Perfection is no longer my goal.  Performance is no longer my mindset.  I am now striving for discipleship that is rooted in Perseverance that leads to Progress!

In the Quiet

It is quiet.  My family is asleep.  This is when I have to make a choice about what I will listen to.  In the quiet, my most unlovely, mean, ugly thoughts enter my brain.  But tonight, I am about to sit down and do something I want more than anything - to open the word and spend time with my heavenly Father working on a special project with Him.  He and I are trading my most negative thoughts for the ones that He wants me to know as truth in my life.

Let it go - then again maybe not

You hear it in your head right now don't you - the infamous song from Frozen.  We have watched it a few times during the holiday break, and I really do love it - and I REALLY love that song.  I have been that girl.  The one who does the right thing, always stays in control and never lets anyone see the real her.  How could I - no one would really understand!

California Dreaming????

So this one never got posted and there is some fun stuff in here...so I am posting it now.

After an unbelievably long flight, I arrived in my hotel on the "wrong" coast at around 2:00 am Atlanta time.  I slept for about 4 hours before my phone started it's insidious pinging with emails, text messages and phone calls.  I awake to the craziness, trying to brush the cobwebs from my head, and find a way to handle the "emergencies" of the morning and I then I attempted to go back to sleep.  California dreaming right???  No dice.  So I started working and by the time lunchtime had come and gone without me eating, I decided to take advantage of the rest of the afternoon.

I was a lonely adventurer who set out by boarding the public bus where I quickly determined that chivalry is most certainly dead and I recommitted myself to instilling that character trait deep down into the soul of my son.  I sat on the floor of the bus for an hour as it drifted down the highway towards the beach.  There were several things that spoke to me throughout the day of gratitude, thankfulness and the fact that sometimes it is ok to be lonely.  

I was somewhat overwhelmed by the panhandlers in the city.  They were everywhere and it was a constant reminder to me that if people do not have meaning in their life, that is exactly what they look like on the inside.  They can be unclean, disorganized, sometime frantic, and always unsure of the future.  During this trip, God spoke to me that I should always remember to find a way to be thankful for the fact that I have a purpose.  I am loved.  I know the creator of the universe is in my corner and I have nothing to fear.

I finally made it to the beach where I was able to enjoy the sensation of the sand between my toes, the sun on my face and the wind in my hair.

The majesty of the ocean is always a welcome sight to both my physical eyes as well as my spiritual ones. It refreshes my soul.  It awakens that sense that the more things get messed up in life, the more God is able to reset everything to look new again. Just like the footprints in the sand are washed away with the tide.  It is a fresh start.  It is restoration - and it heals me. 

As I sat there taking in the beauty around me and appreciating the differences of this coast vs. the right coast, I pondered the last few months of my chaotic mess and I came to a few conclusions:

• Kids these days are really quite spoiled - Some parents let them rule the home and do not set things in order to train them to be the well rounded functioning adults that we need to have running the next generation.  So I set it in my heart to seek God daily to help me raise my children remembering the gifts they are but also honoring the one who created them so they will know their place and purpose in this world and respect others.
• A $10 day pass on a public transportation system will provide an amazing adventure filled with smiles, tears, scenery and even a decent slice of pizza.
• It truly is good to be lonely every now and again and I am learning to embrace those times so I can lean in further to my Abba Daddy and remember that I may be lonely, but I am NEVER alone.
• And finally, I was reminded of a friend who has a knack for wandering around meeting new people and trying new things.  I rarely do that when I get the chance to travel and for the first time I think I know what it felt like to be Corey and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Thank you Lord for the freedom to be adventurous, to do some "California Dreaming" and then to remember that it is really all about you.  Everything I do is because of you, and that makes me smile - especially when I am dreaming.

After

After the day is done.
After the kids are in bed.
After the house is quiet.

That is when it happens.
I begin to wrestle with my inner self.
I argue over the things I said that day - or didn't say.
I call myself all the bad names I have for me...you know the ones that you never tell anyone else. The ones that only you and God know. The ones that hurt most and you feel as though if anyone knew what you were thinking or feeling they would either run and hide, or want to hide you away.

Yes.  After.  After the stormy day I feel exhausted and worn out.


But After the struggle, I let God tell me how He viewed the day.  The day He orchestrated for me, whether I was completely ignorant of His presence or if I was acutely aware of it. It is in the quiet moments of the late evening or early morning that He gently whispers in my ear and says, "You are mine.  I love you. You are worthy. You are precious."

And after He realigns my identity to be in step with His, He instructs, guides and shares with me the ways He would have me to go.  After the storm, comes the sun and for that I am truly grateful.