Who are you and what is your dream?

I was sitting in my closet because that's where I hide when life gets overwhelming and it is too cold to sit on the deck.  I once again found myself struggling between two realities.  The reality of feeling frustrated with my current situation and lack of dreams for my life and the reality of being thankful for the wonderful blessings that have come not just over the last few months, but over the course of my entire life.  I have so very much to be thankful for, I really do.  But I was struggling with how to reconcile the human emotion of "frustration" with the fact that "I should be grateful because it could be so much worse".  I sat there feeling like a total failure.

I seem to live in that place more often than I care to admit even to myself yet I am more aware of my emotions, thoughts and the fact that God still has me in the palm of His hand than I ever have been before.   And as I sat there, my mind drifted to images of one of my friends.  I began to let my thoughts wander down an all to familiar path of comparison instead of remembering that Paul says I should be content in all things.

You see my friend, whom I don't see or talk to enough, has taught me so much about how to live between the now and the not yet...how to hope and cope with life's possibilities and realities all from a distance.  She is amazing.  Her life is an overflowing passion of living life to the fullest in spite of current circumstances.   She exudes the love of Jesus while still allowing her human-ness to be seen by those around her.  She is by no means perfect.  But she is being perfected.  Her life has touched me in a way that I can barely express in words.  And as I sat there in my closet struggling with how to be more like her, to believe like her and to dream like her, God spoke to me.

"You are not her."

Duh! (I am pretty sure I even said that out loud.)

I didn't even know how to begin to deal with THAT reality.

I know I am not her, I know I am unique and that my purpose is different from hers.  That God has us walking similar paths to encourage one another, but that in no way are we expected to be just the same.  She is a wonderful expression of God and His love.  And so am I.  Yet somehow, I fell into the trap - a pit much like the one Joseph found himself - that allowed me to sink deeper into frustration with myself while trying to figure out how to be someone I clearly was not designed to be and failing miserably at it. 

So, my question to God became "Who am I really and what is my God-sized dream for this life?"

I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  It was hard to sit still, the silence almost deafening.

Slowly, I began to see images, promises, desires and yes even dreams. He showed me that my current circumstances are just temporary and that regardless of whether the healing process is completed in my husband on this earth or in heaven (it matters not which one - although he gave me hope there too), we have much to do to change the destiny of the next generation. I saw dreams come to life that I thought were dead.  He showed me that His plans for me are real.  They are perfect and they have a purpose that goes beyond just my family and me.

In that moment, I no longer felt the need to compare myself to anyone else.  I had been given a glimpse of what God has in store for ME.  He did not show me everything I wanted to see and He did not tell me the whole plan, but He reminded me of my path and direction.  He renewed my spirit.  No longer did I feel "stuck" between two realities.

There is only one reality and it looks something like this:

This journey I am on is one to be taken seriously and not to be taken for granted. His will is perfect.  My responses are not. He is God. I am not. My job is to be the best I can be for Him, listening to His guidance, and walking with Him I will become a successful masterpiece for His glory.

Now, I have no idea how the things that I saw will all come to pass, but I do know that God is the God of big dreams.  He is the abundant, life-sustaining, resource provider that will make these dreams come true - IF I will be the woman He is calling me to be instead of trying to be a copy of someone else - no matter how wonderful they may be.

So what is your God-sized dream?  If you don't know, ask Him to reveal it to you and don't be surprised when He shows you.