PIllar of Shame

I recently visited Zadar, Croatia, for a conference. I felt an instant connection with this remarkable city for many reasons, not least of which is the fact that we both share a tumultuous yet resilient history filled with trials, and yet she remains more beautiful than ever. I spent a day touring the city, exploring buildings that appeared to belong to one era, only to find that their additions came from an earlier period. The remnants from wars and ruins had been repurposed to create new, beautiful spaces for art, coffee, and even places of worship.

However, the strongest impression that day came from a pillar known as the Pillar of Shame. Our guide explained that this was where officials brought criminals, forcing them to wrap their arms around the pillar, tied to spikes on either side, so passersby could mock, throw rotten food at, and humiliate them for their sins.

He mentioned the Pillar of Shame multiple times throughout the tour, but as we approached it, I felt a heaviness in that courtyard. The weight of shame so many suffered in public for their wrongdoings was almost overwhelming, nearly bringing me to the point of nausea.

Unless you are Brené Brown (which I most certainly am not), discussing shame in a public forum like this can be challenging. However, I couldn’t help but put my thoughts on paper, as I was profoundly moved by what I felt and learned that day.

Brené defines shame as an intensely painful feeling or experience stemming from the belief that we are flawed and, therefore, unworthy of love and belonging.

The people who committed crimes and were sent to the Pillar of Shame may have deserved their punishment, but standing in that courtyard, I felt the echoes of years of individuals being left there, feeling fundamentally flawed and unworthy of love. I sensed the deep loneliness that comes from disconnection. It was truly overwhelming.

How many of us feel ashamed of things we have done or things that have been done to us?

How many would admit that it’s hard to believe we deserve a second chance?

How many feel that their past disqualifies them from ever being seen, valued, or loved?

Standing there, I experienced the isolation that shame brings into our lives. In my own life, I am currently grappling with these feelings in my professional arena, having once again been cast aside and left with a sense of unworthiness and incapability in pursuing what I know I was meant to do.

It's just business.

It's not personal.

It is what it is.

These are phrases I have often heard, and while I understand them, as I stood in that courtyard facing the Pillar, I found myself wrestling with the shame of failure.

The good news is that I know God is sovereign.

I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I fully understand what my unique contributions are and how I add value to organizations.

I am resilient.

I am favored.

I will survive.

And I will thrive.

For those who have not yet reached that space, know that shame does not have to take over. 

You can prevail. You can rise from the ashes and soar to great heights. 

If you need someone to help you move from the courtyard of shame to the mountaintop of triumph, reach out to me. 

Together, we can soar to new heights.