PIllar of Shame

I recently visited Zadar, Croatia, for a conference. I felt an instant connection with this remarkable city for many reasons, not least of which is the fact that we both share a tumultuous yet resilient history filled with trials, and yet she remains more beautiful than ever. I spent a day touring the city, exploring buildings that appeared to belong to one era, only to find that their additions came from an earlier period. The remnants from wars and ruins had been repurposed to create new, beautiful spaces for art, coffee, and even places of worship.

However, the strongest impression that day came from a pillar known as the Pillar of Shame. Our guide explained that this was where officials brought criminals, forcing them to wrap their arms around the pillar, tied to spikes on either side, so passersby could mock, throw rotten food at, and humiliate them for their sins.

He mentioned the Pillar of Shame multiple times throughout the tour, but as we approached it, I felt a heaviness in that courtyard. The weight of shame so many suffered in public for their wrongdoings was almost overwhelming, nearly bringing me to the point of nausea.

Unless you are Brené Brown (which I most certainly am not), discussing shame in a public forum like this can be challenging. However, I couldn’t help but put my thoughts on paper, as I was profoundly moved by what I felt and learned that day.

Brené defines shame as an intensely painful feeling or experience stemming from the belief that we are flawed and, therefore, unworthy of love and belonging.

The people who committed crimes and were sent to the Pillar of Shame may have deserved their punishment, but standing in that courtyard, I felt the echoes of years of individuals being left there, feeling fundamentally flawed and unworthy of love. I sensed the deep loneliness that comes from disconnection. It was truly overwhelming.

How many of us feel ashamed of things we have done or things that have been done to us?

How many would admit that it’s hard to believe we deserve a second chance?

How many feel that their past disqualifies them from ever being seen, valued, or loved?

Standing there, I experienced the isolation that shame brings into our lives. In my own life, I am currently grappling with these feelings in my professional arena, having once again been cast aside and left with a sense of unworthiness and incapability in pursuing what I know I was meant to do.

It's just business.

It's not personal.

It is what it is.

These are phrases I have often heard, and while I understand them, as I stood in that courtyard facing the Pillar, I found myself wrestling with the shame of failure.

The good news is that I know God is sovereign.

I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I fully understand what my unique contributions are and how I add value to organizations.

I am resilient.

I am favored.

I will survive.

And I will thrive.

For those who have not yet reached that space, know that shame does not have to take over. 

You can prevail. You can rise from the ashes and soar to great heights. 

If you need someone to help you move from the courtyard of shame to the mountaintop of triumph, reach out to me. 

Together, we can soar to new heights.

Hole-y Caregivers!

As a caregiver, I've held many titles.

Wife, mother, daughter, friend, leader. 

But none have defined me as much as this one. 

Over the last decade, caregiving has been the most challenging role I've ever held. 

During my recent trip to Italy, I learned that only 30% of the Colosseum is still standing today, with the iron rods removed, leaving many holes in the structure. It was awe-inspiring to see even that 30% standing strong. 

Returning to my everyday life, I reflected on the things that have been depleted in my own journey as a caregiver - just like the iron from those walls. But God - my two favorite words gives me faith, along with the support of friends and family, to fortify me. 

Despite feeling weary, I am reminded of the resilient spirit of the Colosseum's walls. Like them, I will press on, move forward, and not grow weary in well-doing. 

To my fellow caregivers worldwide, remember that you are still standing. Find ways to rest, rejuvenate, and bless others along the way. Together, we can navigate the never-ending list of caregiving tasks with strength and grace. 

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'As you go' life lessons

As you go - that's a term I use about life and knowing that integrating ALL of life, means doing what God wants AS you go about your daily life activities. Here is one such 'as you go' lesson I learned yesterday - because God speaks in the normal everyday things we do.

What can you learn from a one pot meal after a crazy couple of days at work?

1. In the right order things can be made simple.

I could have used multiple pots and then combined all the pieces, but instead, I created a process that allowed me to use a single pot for the whole thing!

Boil noodles and drain
Brown meat add back to the pot
Add sauce and spices
Mix in meat, noodles and cheese
Voila - One pot to clean!

2. Stirring many ingredients together will produce a better result than any one thing on its own.

This is true for recipes and teams. Get lots of ideas, bring the smart people in the room and watch the magic happen when they build upon an idea and make it even better.

3. Don’t freak out when it looks messy - trust the process.

Everything was coming together, but the cheese was stringy and it was looking like it would not melt. I started to freak out (even though it tasted good) aren't we silly creatures sometimes. But continued low heat and constant stirring did the trick and the consistency was perfect!

3. Patience produces a wonderful result!

Frustration started rising yet I persevered. And even through the heat - the test, the trial, the conflict and the challenges - if you keep your cool and let them do their work - temperature and pressure create beauty like diamonds and amazing dinners too because God knows what He is doing.

In the end I had dinner with my kids and the payoff was...I forgot about the stresses of the day and enjoyed hearing about their worlds.

What can you learn from making dinner for your family? Apparently a whole bunch!

Words mean things

As a marketing professional the phrase "words mean things" permeates my world.  

Many phrases linger in my head as I perform my daily tasks, but none is truer than "words mean things".  Power is released through words.  Words have a specific meaning.  Words leave an impression.  Words are transformational.  Just ask any kid who was hurt by a mean girl or lifted up through a sincere compliment delivered in their dark moment. 

Carefully selecting the right word at the right moment is not only magical in marketing it can provide life to those who need it - or curse with death.

From the beginning, it was the spoken word that created every single thing we see today.  God said - and it happened.  His words sparked the very existance of a variety of wonderful, mysterious and amazing creatures as well as the immense natural beauty that surrounds us. Sunrises, sunsets, waterfalls, oceans, stars, forests, rivers - all came to be because words were spoken.

Today's words from THE WORD are a reminder to me to "push through" to perseverance and do it with joy.  Trials are only trumped when you push through the darkness. And God is truly glorified if you push through with joy.

James tells us to "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Joy in trials...come on now...who does that???

Well in Hebrews 12:1-3 we see that as we become more like Jesus, WE CAN DO THAT!

"And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Three words stuck out in both of these passages, consider, joy and perseverance. If we CONSIDER what Jesus endured, we can CONSIDER it JOY- pure joy - when we experience any trial - because that trial, when pushed through, will eventually be trumped and develop the PERSEVERANCE we need and keep us from growing weary and losing heart.  

This world is troubling.  You will have trials.  You will fall.  You might fail.  People will disappoint. Jobs will end.  BUT GOD...my two favorite words have the best meaning of all!  If God be for me, who can be against me and if He works all things together for my good, then no matter the challenge, trial, or disappointment I face in this life, God trumps it. 

How can I not push through to perseverance with pure joy? 

His words say I can. 

And His words mean even more than mine! They are magical and majestic full of consideration, perseverance and joy.