Meltdowns

I have always been a "pleaser".  You know, the one who did what everyone else wanted in order to keep the peace.  I suppose I could blame that solely on having the motivational gift of being an exhorter with a heavy dose of mercy thrown in for good measure, but truthfully it also comes from being the only child of divorced parents.  I love my parents, but I learned very quickly from being in different houses, with different rules, different expectations and new siblings what was required to keep the peace. 
What I didn't learn until many years later is there is a problem with the way I was handling the situations in my life.  I call it the "kickback" - the recoil of an unhealthy emotional well being if you will.  The cost or kickback of trying to please everyone else is that at some unforeseen time in the future I would end up having a complete emotional meltdown, in the most inappropriate place mind you, stemming directly from shoving my own emotions, feelings, desires and wishes deep down inside for the sake of someone else's happiness - as if their happiness was somehow more important than my own.  Thank God for a forever friend who gets me and has walked me through the fire of a nuclear meltdown on more than one occasion.

Now, I am sure none of you have this problem...but in learning to be transparent with my friends, I am here to tell you...this is not a good solution!  Peace this way is not really peace at all, it is false peace that is sorely lacking in unity. 

So as I began to learn to share my feelings in a healthy way - even the ones that required confrontation - I found out that it is okay for me to have an opinion, an idea or a different way of doing things.  And often times it is better than the ones being offered by others.  I have experienced this at work, at home, in my church and even with total strangers in the store.  It took me years of learning and discipleship, and time spent with an amazing life coach to realize that I had something beautiful inside to share with the world around me.

I found out that the more confident I was in who God created me to be, the more "right" things I had inside me to say and share with others.  It was freeing.  It was inspiring and it has lead me down paths I NEVER thought I would walk in this lifetime.  But I will warn you, it has also cost me something - I have had to learn to trust more.

• Trust that God really is sovereign in my life
• Trust that other people really do want the best for me
• Trust that my experiences have taught me valuable lessons to help me walk beside others
• Trust that no matter what - on good days and bad - God is beside me speaking truth to me   

So where does that leave me now?  Do I have it all figured out?  Do I always act rather than react? Do I always say or do the right thing?  NO.  But more often than not, I find myself opening up, sharing my heart, and seeing God use me in ways I never thought possible.  I have learned what Ecclesiastes 3 teaches us...there is a time for everything "A time to be quiet and a time to speak...a time for war and a time for peace."  Sometimes keeping the peace means speaking up and speaking out.  Sometimes it means holding your tongue and saying nothing.  How do you know which way to turn?  God gives us the peace that passes all understanding, so I would say He is the right one to ask.  He will provide the healing words, the proper solution and the wisdom to know when to offer them. 

Today, my meltdowns come from a whole new space and time and situation...but that post is for another day.  Good night my friends.