Spinning. Turning. Twirling. Falling. Joyfully?!

When I was a little girl I loved the feeling of spreading my arms out wide and spinning around in circles until I could no longer stand up straight.  It was an amazing experience void of inhibitions and full of life, laughter and trust that the world would eventually get back to "normal" even if it never felt like it.

Having experienced the life shattering chaos that one's family undergoes when someone survives a life threatening stroke, the spinning, turning, twirling and falling that happens to one's marriage and family, can certainly make you feel like the only thing normal in your life is that of the setting on your dryer in your laundry room labelled "normal".

Balancing marriage, family, work and ministry can certainly feel unsettling at best and disruptively disturbing and worst. On your best days you may look - and even feel - as though you have it all together.  But on those bad days, where the world starts spinning out of control, you may find yourself questioning everything - all that you see and certainly everything you cannot see.

Faith seems hard to find on those days. 

Peace is hidden from your heart and soul.

Joy falls by the wayside into utter disbelief that the world will never make sense again.

There are other times, when you feel those things - and rightfully so - but the joy never ceases.  Why is that?  Resiliency is what I think makes the difference.  How does one become resilient? Can you decide to be resilient or is it something you are born with?

I don't have the answers to those questions, but I can tell you one thing that helps me to keep the twirling fun - LAUGHTER. 

An amazing person in my life once said..."if it is funny later, it is funny now" and I have chosen to live by that rule ever since I heard it.  And let me tell you, there are so many things that have happened post stroke that are absolutely absurd, you cannot NOT laugh later, so we choose to laugh in the middle of the chaos while falling.

Take our recent trip to Colorado...

My husband was not feeling well on the day that we were traveling to Colorado.  We doctored him up the best we could, but the situation was unnerving to say the least.  We arrived in Denver and in the chaos of tending to his needs, we managed to get off the plane, pick up our luggage, get in the bus to the rental car lot, pack the car with our luggage, drive an hour and a half in a snow storm to pick up our skis and groceries for the next 12 hours, drive to the cabin, unload the car in the snow, only to realize that the MOST IMPORTANT of all the bags we packed for my husband was left on the plane.

Now, you will often hear me say "You can't make this stuff up!" And it is so true.  His medicines, cell phone, iPad, - everything he needed for the trip for his own entertainment as well as his well being was in that bag! 

I stood there for a moment, shook my head, said a prayer of thanksgiving that we found it and no one had taken it, and then said well, you can't make this stuff up and we have a new story to tell!

Resilient?  You bet!

I choose to remember that this world is not really that shaky, because despite the spinning, turning, twirling and even falling - my God is sovereign.  He holds me steady.  He has a sense of humor. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He will take care of all my needs - even when it means He has to protect the precious cargo that I left in the hands of the airlines instead of having my head on straight to remember all three suitcases, three - not two - back packs, two sets of ski boots, a cane, two teenagers and my husband in the first place!

So is this normal? It is to me.  I keep bouncing along, looking at the world as fraught with danger, but knowing that most of the time, the God of the universe is spinning these unbelievable stories into my blessings and let's face it - favor ain't fair - and I am ok with that.  I will keep spinning, turning, twirling and resiliently laughing with joy.  I am safe in my Father's arms...even when I fall down. 

California Dreaming????

So this one never got posted and there is some fun stuff in here...so I am posting it now.

After an unbelievably long flight, I arrived in my hotel on the "wrong" coast at around 2:00 am Atlanta time.  I slept for about 4 hours before my phone started it's insidious pinging with emails, text messages and phone calls.  I awake to the craziness, trying to brush the cobwebs from my head, and find a way to handle the "emergencies" of the morning and I then I attempted to go back to sleep.  California dreaming right???  No dice.  So I started working and by the time lunchtime had come and gone without me eating, I decided to take advantage of the rest of the afternoon.

I was a lonely adventurer who set out by boarding the public bus where I quickly determined that chivalry is most certainly dead and I recommitted myself to instilling that character trait deep down into the soul of my son.  I sat on the floor of the bus for an hour as it drifted down the highway towards the beach.  There were several things that spoke to me throughout the day of gratitude, thankfulness and the fact that sometimes it is ok to be lonely.  

I was somewhat overwhelmed by the panhandlers in the city.  They were everywhere and it was a constant reminder to me that if people do not have meaning in their life, that is exactly what they look like on the inside.  They can be unclean, disorganized, sometime frantic, and always unsure of the future.  During this trip, God spoke to me that I should always remember to find a way to be thankful for the fact that I have a purpose.  I am loved.  I know the creator of the universe is in my corner and I have nothing to fear.

I finally made it to the beach where I was able to enjoy the sensation of the sand between my toes, the sun on my face and the wind in my hair.

The majesty of the ocean is always a welcome sight to both my physical eyes as well as my spiritual ones. It refreshes my soul.  It awakens that sense that the more things get messed up in life, the more God is able to reset everything to look new again. Just like the footprints in the sand are washed away with the tide.  It is a fresh start.  It is restoration - and it heals me. 

As I sat there taking in the beauty around me and appreciating the differences of this coast vs. the right coast, I pondered the last few months of my chaotic mess and I came to a few conclusions:

• Kids these days are really quite spoiled - Some parents let them rule the home and do not set things in order to train them to be the well rounded functioning adults that we need to have running the next generation.  So I set it in my heart to seek God daily to help me raise my children remembering the gifts they are but also honoring the one who created them so they will know their place and purpose in this world and respect others.
• A $10 day pass on a public transportation system will provide an amazing adventure filled with smiles, tears, scenery and even a decent slice of pizza.
• It truly is good to be lonely every now and again and I am learning to embrace those times so I can lean in further to my Abba Daddy and remember that I may be lonely, but I am NEVER alone.
• And finally, I was reminded of a friend who has a knack for wandering around meeting new people and trying new things.  I rarely do that when I get the chance to travel and for the first time I think I know what it felt like to be Corey and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Thank you Lord for the freedom to be adventurous, to do some "California Dreaming" and then to remember that it is really all about you.  Everything I do is because of you, and that makes me smile - especially when I am dreaming.