PIllar of Shame

I recently visited Zadar, Croatia, for a conference. I felt an instant connection with this remarkable city for many reasons, not least of which is the fact that we both share a tumultuous yet resilient history filled with trials, and yet she remains more beautiful than ever. I spent a day touring the city, exploring buildings that appeared to belong to one era, only to find that their additions came from an earlier period. The remnants from wars and ruins had been repurposed to create new, beautiful spaces for art, coffee, and even places of worship.

However, the strongest impression that day came from a pillar known as the Pillar of Shame. Our guide explained that this was where officials brought criminals, forcing them to wrap their arms around the pillar, tied to spikes on either side, so passersby could mock, throw rotten food at, and humiliate them for their sins.

He mentioned the Pillar of Shame multiple times throughout the tour, but as we approached it, I felt a heaviness in that courtyard. The weight of shame so many suffered in public for their wrongdoings was almost overwhelming, nearly bringing me to the point of nausea.

Unless you are Brené Brown (which I most certainly am not), discussing shame in a public forum like this can be challenging. However, I couldn’t help but put my thoughts on paper, as I was profoundly moved by what I felt and learned that day.

Brené defines shame as an intensely painful feeling or experience stemming from the belief that we are flawed and, therefore, unworthy of love and belonging.

The people who committed crimes and were sent to the Pillar of Shame may have deserved their punishment, but standing in that courtyard, I felt the echoes of years of individuals being left there, feeling fundamentally flawed and unworthy of love. I sensed the deep loneliness that comes from disconnection. It was truly overwhelming.

How many of us feel ashamed of things we have done or things that have been done to us?

How many would admit that it’s hard to believe we deserve a second chance?

How many feel that their past disqualifies them from ever being seen, valued, or loved?

Standing there, I experienced the isolation that shame brings into our lives. In my own life, I am currently grappling with these feelings in my professional arena, having once again been cast aside and left with a sense of unworthiness and incapability in pursuing what I know I was meant to do.

It's just business.

It's not personal.

It is what it is.

These are phrases I have often heard, and while I understand them, as I stood in that courtyard facing the Pillar, I found myself wrestling with the shame of failure.

The good news is that I know God is sovereign.

I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I fully understand what my unique contributions are and how I add value to organizations.

I am resilient.

I am favored.

I will survive.

And I will thrive.

For those who have not yet reached that space, know that shame does not have to take over. 

You can prevail. You can rise from the ashes and soar to great heights. 

If you need someone to help you move from the courtyard of shame to the mountaintop of triumph, reach out to me. 

Together, we can soar to new heights.

Hole-y Caregivers!

 As a caregiver, I've held many titles.

Wife, mother, daughter, friend, leader. 

But none have defined me as much as this one. 

Over the last decade, caregiving has been the most challenging role I've ever held. 

During my recent trip to Italy, I learned that only 30% of the Colosseum is still standing today, with the iron rods removed, leaving many holes in the structure. It was awe-inspiring to see even that 30% standing strong. 

Returning to my everyday life, I reflected on the things that have been depleted in my own journey as a caregiver - just like the iron from those walls. But God - my two favorite words gives me faith, along with the support of friends and family, to fortify me. 

Despite feeling weary, I am reminded of the resilient spirit of the Colosseum's walls. Like them, I will press on, move forward, and not grow weary in well-doing. 

To my fellow caregivers worldwide, remember that you are still standing. Find ways to rest, rejuvenate, and bless others along the way. Together, we can navigate the never-ending list of caregiving tasks with strength and grace. 

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Playing at the game of life has its challenges but you should never have to gamble your physical - or mental - health for the sake of going all in.

So how do you go all in at work and not be all consumed to the point of exhaustion and burnout or worst yet the dreaded quiet quitting?

Working - and living - in a start-up (or start-up with legs) culture for most of my career, I have learned several things - most of them from my many trips to Vegas (my least favorite city BTW).

Go all in and play the game, give it your all, AND walk away a winner with your sanity mostly intact.

Every hand's a winner.

Why? Because we get to choose to look at life through the lens of positivity. Our mentality determines our reality. Our thoughts determine our actions and our actions determine our outcomes. So look at your cards, find a way to see the possibility and then play the hand you were dealt.

In your current role and situation, there may be significant challenges. So choose to see the positives including the lessons you are learning, and find a way to enjoy the journey. You will be happier and healthier.

Bet on yourself.

You have everything that you need at your fingertips to win at the game of life. There will be highs, there will be lows, but if you keep moving forward, do the right things and believe in what you can accomplish - you will win every single time because even a failure is just an opportunity to learn and get better the next time.

Advocate for yourself and ask the right questions. What does success look like? How do I get X resources to deliver Y results? And never be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

Work together with those at the table, beat the dealer, and everyone wins.

Teamwork is important. It may mean you won't always win at that moment, but if you work together, you can bend the will of the cards in favor of the table - causing the dealer to bust. The moment you think only of yourself, you put everyone at the mercy of the cards and the dealer. Stop always showing your poker face and be real with the people around you. Choose teamwork and help others win with you along the way.

Cash in your chips when you are ahead.

It's easy to keep chasing the high you get from the win. But how much sweeter is it to stop when you are ahead, put the chips in your pocket and walk away with more than you came with. Even if the "more" is wisdom from a failure, friendship from the team you were in, or watching someone you helped win at their game.

Think about the hand you have been dealt.

Will you see the good in it, choose to believe in yourself, work with those around you, and cash in when you are ahead? If you do then maybe, just maybe, you will not only survive, but thrive in this world.

I'm all in - how about you

'As you go' life lessons

As you go - that's a term I use about life and knowing that integrating ALL of life, means doing what God wants AS you go about your daily life activities. Here is one such 'as you go' lesson I learned yesterday - because God speaks in the normal everyday things we do.

What can you learn from a one pot meal after a crazy couple of days at work?

1. In the right order things can be made simple.

I could have used multiple pots and then combined all the pieces, but instead, I created a process that allowed me to use a single pot for the whole thing!

Boil noodles and drain
Brown meat add back to the pot
Add sauce and spices
Mix in meat, noodles and cheese
Voila - One pot to clean!

2. Stirring many ingredients together will produce a better result than any one thing on its own.

This is true for recipes and teams. Get lots of ideas, bring the smart people in the room and watch the magic happen when they build upon an idea and make it even better.

3. Don’t freak out when it looks messy - trust the process.

Everything was coming together, but the cheese was stringy and it was looking like it would not melt. I started to freak out (even though it tasted good) aren't we silly creatures sometimes. But continued low heat and constant stirring did the trick and the consistency was perfect!

3. Patience produces a wonderful result!

Frustration started rising yet I persevered. And even through the heat - the test, the trial, the conflict and the challenges - if you keep your cool and let them do their work - temperature and pressure create beauty like diamonds and amazing dinners too because God knows what He is doing.

In the end I had dinner with my kids and the payoff was...I forgot about the stresses of the day and enjoyed hearing about their worlds.

What can you learn from making dinner for your family? Apparently a whole bunch!

WHEE or WHOA?

Our family spent quality time in the ocean this summer with every day filled with playing, laughing, swimming, paddling and generally just hanging out in the ocean waves. 

There were many firsts that week:

• The first time my kids found live sand dollars by the thousands
• The first time my husband rode a paddle board
• The first time my kids saw a manatee swimming in the ocean next to them
• The first time one of them had ridden a jet ski
• The first time they kayaked in the intercoastal waterway
• The first time my car held two paddle boards and a kayak as I drove over the intercoastal waterway with the hatchback open - making the drawbridge operators smile every time I went by!

It was a great week.  But the most common word heard that week was this:  WHHHHHEEEEEEEE! The word was expressed out of pure joy.  The fun feeling of riding the waves as you bob up and down in the water and it made the rest of us smile as there was nothing but exhilaration found in the sound.

It was heard every time one of us floated on or over a wave.  We laughed about it too.  There were four of us in the ocean, and every few seconds you would hear one of us loudly exclaim - WHHHHHHEEEEEEE!

And it got me thinking as I watched this storm roll in...

Where does the threshold exist that the WHEE becomes WHOA and I get scared and forget to enjoy the ride?  

When does the wave transition from joy-filled to fear-filled?

When do I stop looking at the horizon and seeing the beauty and instead turn all my attention to the waves themselves and question my sanity for wanting to "play" in them.  

Storms change your perspective of the simple wave.  The wind, the clouds, the sights and sounds of the storm cause you to rethink the fact that these waves are still just waves.  

When Jesus was asleep in the boat - FILLED WITH PEACE - and the disciples - LIKE US - were freaking out over the storm...Jesus simply rebuked the wind, but only spoke to the waves.  

The waves in our lives are not the problem.  They are a symptom of the wind.  So when you are riding the waves of life and you find yourself saying WHOA - not WHEE - ask God if the wind is blowing because He is breathing something new over you or if you need to rebuke the wind and watch the waves settle back down. 

I bet He will tell you which and then you can rest in the peace that He is sovereign.

Words mean things

As a marketing professional the phrase "words mean things" permeates my world.  

Many phrases linger in my head as I perform my daily tasks, but none is truer than "words mean things".  Power is released through words.  Words have a specific meaning.  Words leave an impression.  Words are transformational.  Just ask any kid who was hurt by a mean girl or lifted up through a sincere compliment delivered in their dark moment. 

Carefully selecting the right word at the right moment is not only magical in marketing it can provide life to those who need it - or curse with death.

From the beginning, it was the spoken word that created every single thing we see today.  God said - and it happened.  His words sparked the very existance of a variety of wonderful, mysterious and amazing creatures as well as the immense natural beauty that surrounds us. Sunrises, sunsets, waterfalls, oceans, stars, forests, rivers - all came to be because words were spoken.

Today's words from THE WORD are a reminder to me to "push through" to perseverance and do it with joy.  Trials are only trumped when you push through the darkness. And God is truly glorified if you push through with joy.

James tells us to "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Joy in trials...come on now...who does that???

Well in Hebrews 12:1-3 we see that as we become more like Jesus, WE CAN DO THAT!

"And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Three words stuck out in both of these passages, consider, joy and perseverance. If we CONSIDER what Jesus endured, we can CONSIDER it JOY- pure joy - when we experience any trial - because that trial, when pushed through, will eventually be trumped and develop the PERSEVERANCE we need and keep us from growing weary and losing heart.  

This world is troubling.  You will have trials.  You will fall.  You might fail.  People will disappoint. Jobs will end.  BUT GOD...my two favorite words have the best meaning of all!  If God be for me, who can be against me and if He works all things together for my good, then no matter the challenge, trial, or disappointment I face in this life, God trumps it. 

How can I not push through to perseverance with pure joy? 

His words say I can. 

And His words mean even more than mine! They are magical and majestic full of consideration, perseverance and joy.

Where do you hang your hat?

Since I am in between seasons in EVERY area of my life at the moment - this phrase hit me hard - right between the eyes. Where do you hang your hat Sherry?  

So often we think in terms of where you live - your house, apartment, the place you go at the end of the day and call "home".

But in this world, so often we spend more time where we work than where we live - well that was until 2020 came crashing into our lives and work and home intertwined in a way like never before - and what we used to call "working from home", quite literally became "living at work".  

I am living through an in between like no other.  I have had many in betweens in this crazy messed up life and they are all rather uncomfortable because lets face it - we all want to control the uncontrollable. But when things happen to us and we feel like we are losing control, sometimes the very best thing to do is to remember that you are not falling apart, but that God is doing a new thing and you just need to surrender.

I need a new place to hang my hat in almost every area of my life, so instead of trying to control it all and bend this world to my will, I want to change my perspective and live a life that shows that I understand that where I hang my hat is the dwelling place that scripture speaks of - the refuge, shelter and sense of belonging and home that can only be found in my heavenly Father.  

"Dwelling" or "Dwelling Place"...the writers of Psalms use it several times to describe the God of the universe.  They remind us that God is our dwelling place, our refuge, the true origination of the "feeling at home".  

How can one so magnificent, so vast and expansive, so holy and so pure be a safe place, a dwelling place, a refuge - a place to hang my dirty, sinful, stained, wrinkled and wretched hat?  

Because He loves me.  He loves me like no other.  He bought this dirty, sinful, stained, wrinkled and wretched hat.  He has a plan for me.  He knows my every need and desire of my heart.  He knows what I was designed to do.  He knows my pain.  He knows my fears.  He knows my insecurity. He knows my joys.  He knows my struggles.  He knows my shortcomings.  He knows my strengths.  He knows it all - and yet - He chose me.  He loves me.  

I needed a reminder that my identity is in WHOSE I am not WHAT I am or what I can DO - or even where I hang my hat - as long as I chose to hang it where He is - my dwelling place.  

Maybe you needed to hear those words today too.  Everything I just said for me is true for you too.  No matter your circumstances, your choices, your successes and your failures, He knows it all and still loves you too.  He wants to be the place where you hang your hat every day.  He wants to show you all that He has for you.  

Will you let Him show you your real worth, His real plan for you and the beauty in surrendering to the God of the universe as your hat rack?

Significant Six

Six years ago our lives changed forever.

Six years ago our story would become a new normal.

Six is just shy of seven - the number that signifies completion.

Six is today's anniversary.

March 30th marks six years since our imperfect, incomplete and yet indestructible lives were significantly altered.

I began to wonder today about the number six and what the Bible might offer about this very significant milestone as we remember that God is still good and we fight to find the victory each day.  I noticed two major patterns when I searched through mentions of this number in the passages I read.

Six is the number of man and a reminder of our weaknesses.

• On the sixth day God created man.
• In six days God created the world.
• On the sixth day of passover, all sins and judgements were restored.

Six comes before rest.

• The fourth commandment tells us we should work for six days and rest on the seventh.
• God also commanded the Israelites to harvest the land for six years and let it rest the seventh year.

In the six years since the stroke, my family has become increasingly aware of our weaknesses and need for God's strength to make it through each day and sometimes each moment.  In the past six years we have strived, often driven by our own strength rather than relying on God's, to make things move forward, to see progress and to pass milestones and maybe, just maybe, we are headed for a season where we learn to rest like we never have before.  

Significant six reminds me that if I rely on Him, through my weakness, He is made strong and that if history and God's commandments are true, rest is coming!

So we will enjoy the significance of six and prepare for seven.